Musings of a Widow

Lines in the Sand

We arbitrarily draw lines in the sand. We think to ourselves that God shouldn’t and can’t cross those lines. Comfort. Love. Friendship. Happiness. Family. God, if you give me ____ (fill in the blank), then I’ll do your will. I’ll do anything for you God, but I have to have ____. In my case, I wanted a husband…a family of my own. And God blessed me with a wonderful, loving, Christian husband–what a wonderful man! We had two amazing years of marriage. So much love in such a short time.

Then God crossed my line….

Jake died. The dreams of a family with Jake died with him. And I don’t know if I’ll ever get to experience having my own children. How could God do this to me? Why did he take away my happiness and future? Why did the person I loved most just stop existing on this earth? No more texts, phone calls, goodnight kisses. No more hugs. No more I love yous. Just like that–the love of my life stopped being.

So, why? Why did God cross my line when I’ve been a good Christian? When I’ve help up my end? Because…God never agreed to my terms. Because I arbitrarily drew a line thinking the Almighty God would not cross it. Because…it wasn’t God’s fault. You may not believe me or agree with me, but THIS WAS NOT GOD’S FAULT! Since sin entered this world, so did death and bad things. God didn’t make Jake die. Instead, He saved him from a life of pain, suffering, being wheelchair bound, heartache, etc. He called him home.

Home–our home is Heaven. Not this world. That was my problem–I treated this world as my home. I was focused on the physical and not the eternal. And this world is not my home. I think a lot of times we, as children of God, think we are entitled to comfort and happiness here on earth. So. Not. True. Look at Paul, Peter, John, any of the apostles, Joseph, Job, Ruth. All these people did the will of God and lived to serve Him. Sure, they messed up here and there–they weren’t perfect (and neither are we). But even though they were faithful, they still had hardships and trials in life. Joseph was sold as a slave by his own brothers, then thrown into prison. But in the end God blessed him immensely. He turned all of that mess into something good. Job lost everything–his children, his wealth, his wife–everything. He questioned God and of course God reminded him that he was not God and that God would take care of him. Well, Job had more children and became successful again.

So, what’s the point? God doesn’t guarantee or promise us happiness and no hardships here on this earth. But, He does promise to take care of us. He promises to hear us when we pray–we may not get the answer we want but He does hear us and will take care of us. Paul reminds us in Phil 3:12-14 that when we go through this imperfect, hard life to press on. “…forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Nothing, no one can change what happened to me…to Jake. He’s not coming back. It hurts…a lot. But I’m looking forward to the day I get to see him again. Because that means I’ll be in heaven. Where there is no more tears or suffering. The truth is… God took care of Jake and Tyler. He brought them home. Jake is in a much better place than I could have given him here on this earth.

And you know what…God is taking care of me. I know God has big plans for me. I don’t know what lies ahead of me, but I’m going to trust in God and watch. No more lines in the sane (which will take a lot of practice of letting go). It’s not going to be easy, but God’s there every step of the way. Don’t think of God as the bad guy. You’re the one who drew those lines there. And you need to erase them so God can use you for His glory. We all need to practice relinquishing control, and letting God take over. Because, we cannot do it without Him. The end. Period. That’s the truth. We can’t. Not because we don’t try but because God is much bigger. So, let’s strive to erase those lines we have drawn. We’re meant for much more. Just remember–God’s got this–whatever “this” is. And most importantly, He’s got you.

1 thought on “Lines in the Sand”

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