My Journey as a Widow


Dear Jake,

Has it really been a year? In some ways it feels much longer than a year and in other ways it still feels like yesterday that you were here on this earth being your goofy Texas self. Oh, babe, how I miss you. I miss everything about you. And I still love you so much. I know I always will love you.

Sweetheart, I remember when the trooper told me you died I felt like my world was coming to an end. You were my world. But then, God reminded me that He has to be my world. Not you or anyone else or anything else. God is my world, my everything. And that’s the way it must be. Jacob, I have grown so much this past year as a Christian woman. I didn’t think I could it–live this life without you. I was scared and it was really really painful. Still is. But, you know what, God carried me when I couldn’t even stand. He is still leading me through the stormy waters of life, continuously placing stepping stones in front of me. He has shown me blessing after blessing. We serve such an amazingly wonderful, loving, gracious, forgiving God.

So, where did I see God this past year? All around me. I have a jar full of blessings God has given me. I think I have seen God most in our friends and family who have supported me every day. And I have seen God use this tragedy for good. I am starting a new journey in life tomorrow–I am going to become a counselor. I am allowing God to use me and my experience to help others. And I’m so excited! I know you would be so proud of me.

You know, Jake, this past year has not been all bad. It’s been tough, no doubt about that, but it has also been good. It all has to do with your perspective–I could choose to think negatively every day or think positively every day. Well, guess which one I chose? That’s right….I chose to be positive and to look for the good instead of dwell on the pain and hurt. I still have my “down” days, but God continuously shows me the good. And it’s mostly because of that one question you would ask at Log Cabin devo–where did you see God today?

Thank you, babe, for your legacy, for living the kind of life God wants us to live–a life serving Him always. I will always remember you, my husband.

“I’ll rise up, I’ll rise up. Then I’ll bow down, lay my crown at His precious wounded feet.”

I can say with all my heart that “it is well with my soul.” Because you are in a much better place–you are home. To want you back here would be completely selfish. You are HOME! And I’m going to be there someday as well. So, yes, it is well with my soul. “Till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ, I’ll stand.” My sweetheart, I’m looking forward to the day I get to see you again because that means I’ll be in heaven, our eternal home. Oh what a reunion that will be!

I love you with all my heart, Jacob Andrew Rush.


Your Wife–Becki

1 thought on “Reflections…”

  1. What an encouraging testimony. I am so excited for you on your new journey!!. Not many people will use their tragedies for good! Praying for you always.


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