I have struggled with this question for two years now– who am I? Who am I now that Jake is gone? Who am I now that I am a widow? Who am I?! Let me explain… Becki circa 2013 died when she found out Jake did not survive the car accident. I died that night. Everything I was, everything that defined me was gone. You know why? Because I allowed myself to be defined by my circumstances in life.
As I’m writing this, I can’t help but think of the wonderful hymn, Blessed Assurance. The chorus goes like this: “This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long; this is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long.” I want to… nay, must… be only defined by God. He is my story, and I want this hymn to be a picture of my life–praising God every day all the time because He is good and He loves me so.
So, I want to share with you a few things about myself… about Becki circa present time…. the person God has shaped me into these past two years (and I know He will continue shaping me for the rest of my life).
- I am made strong by the Almighty
- I am a fighter… I will not give up
- I am beautiful no matter what anyone says
- I am a determined worker
- I am not perfect
- I love deeply
- I want my heart to be open to love again
- I want to inspire others, and I want others to inspire me
- I have found my calling – counseling; and it brings me such joy in life
- I am a realistic optimist
- I love to smile and laugh… especially during the valleys in life… I crave laughter the most. I never want to forget to smile.
- Finally, God’s got me… in everything.
I know 2016 will be a great year. I don’t know what’s ahead of me, but I do know that God will be continuously placing stepping stones in front of me guiding my path. I want this blog to be helpful and inspiring to others, so each month I plan to focus on one word. For example, during the month of January I want to focus on the word “joy.” All of my posts that month will be centered around that word.
Thank you for walking this journey with me. Thank you for allowing me to express my grief. Thank you for your continued love, support, and prayers as I travel this journey through life.
I leave you with a excerpt from a song by Big Daddy Weave (“My Story”). May we all strive to say and live these words: “to tell you my story is to tell of Him.”
If I told you my story
You would hear Hope that wouldn’t let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him